Round 2 - Day 3

Well round two started out pretty much like round one. There was one major difference between this round and the last one. Last time I had no problems sleeping. This time I could not fall asleep no matter what. And what really sucked was that I was completely exhausted. Some my dad came up and ended up taking the kids so between him and my MIL I was able to take my time to get moving to go get my Nulesta shot. The hardest part was I had to be at the center for the shot no later than 1 but my appointment to get the hair taken off wasn't until 3. I was fine getting to the shot but the time in between appointments was hard. I was hungry and around the corner from the mall that I went there got something to eat. Dragged myself through the mall a bit since I had some time, I was there, and I needed undies. Got that done and sat on a bench and relax for a bit. At least until it was time to get the hair done. Made it to the salon. Hair is now gone and wig fitted and on the stand. I like it but its going to take some getting used to. It will be better when it cools off. Got home dropped everything on the bed, let Jesse out of his crate and then collapsed until steve came home.

I ended up taking a benidryl to help me sleep and it did help. Today was still very tired but at least I slept. At this point I'm just catching up on my thoughts. Steve and FIL (rusty) took Jarrett and alex to the races, Grandma is attempting to shop for the girls. They are going to a Bar Mitzvah in Chicago and were in need of some nice cloths. Did some stuff but not much.

I'm going to apologize for the humongous spelling mistakes. Brain is to fried to work right now.

Chemo Round 1

July 22 - Day 1.

So lets try to summarize the first bout with this crap. I got to the office around 1pm. The first thing they do is check my temperature, blood pressure, weight, and then they draw blood. (I'm guessing to make sure I'm ok for the latest round of poison. After that we (Steve and myself) meet with the physician assistant, got any questions answered and then moved on to the infusion room. I was then set up with an IV and they began to administer the pre-meds. I was given 2 different anti nausea medications and a steroid (also supposed to help with nausea) After that was all administered (about 1/2 hr) The nurse then pushed in the A. (acitiomine). That has to be administered carefully because it can cause serious harm if its out of the veins. (lovey thought) It was given through the iv so it could be mixed in with the saline. So once that was done I was then hooked up to the C (cytonie) and that was given as a IV drip. That took about and hour. Once that was done I was free to go. I was told to drink lots of water and get my systems flushed out. I was feeling fine until a little bit later on in the day. I was just a bit tired and just wanted to rest. I wasn't really nauseous feeling but did have a bit of a sour stomach. I just tried to eat bits small amounts and just tried to take it easy. Also I had a bit of a head ache.

Day 2
I had to go back to the infusion center to get my nuelesta shot. This is something I will have to do after every treatment. It is supposed to help boost my white blood cells so that I can get the chemo every 2 weeks on schedule. I continued to take my anti nausea meds on schedule and despite a little weirdness in the belly, the day wasn't to bad. I had small spurts (about an hour or so) here and there but for the most part I just rested.

Day 3 was similar to day 2. Last day I was supposed to take my anti nausea meds.

Day 4 - Wasn't sure what to expect. I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. I did manage to get out and do a few things but I was still very tired. (good thing too since Steve was pretty much no help that day)

Day 5 (Monday) was the worst day I would say so far. One of the SE's of the nuelesta shot was the possibility of bone pain as they were being called on to produce those necessary white blood cells. The best way to try to describe it was like a whiplash patient (never had whiplash but if I did I am guessing thats what it would have felt like). From my ears, down to my lower jaw, to my neck and shoulders were just in pain and sensitive to touch. It felt like I had one of those whiplash collars on and it was just painful. nothing seemed to help except a hot shower or the heating pad.

Day 6, Still in a bit of pain but it finally started to subside by the afternoon.

From that point on for the most part, I am back to my typical actives and stuff. I'm still getting some random pains here and there. I also have this yuck taste in my mouth and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it. So now its off to enjoy as much as I can the next few days until round 2 next thurs. At least each treatment is one step closer to being finished.

Oh I also still have my hair, I'm guessing (hoping) I'll have it for another week or so. Wig has been ordered but I really am not looking forward to that part of all of this. I'm very open with my diagnosis and will answer any questions that people my have but once the hair is gone I'm so afraid just by looking at me people are going to scream "CANCER PATIENT". I always hated to have attention on myself. It was hard when I had triplets to ignore the attention and deal with the crazies it brought out, I can only imagine what is next.

So where have I been?
Round 1, done, will right about separately. This is more a vent and getting it all out post so I have no idea if it will make any sense but I'm just going to type and see where we go.

I think I will go back to the beginning of this latest cycle. I have accepted the fact that chemo is required and it will be happening, I managed to get myself somewhat prepared for it. That is despite steve's latest issue. Please don't get me wrong as I love him dearly and I know he loves me but sometimes his timing just sucks. (not that mine is much better LOL). The week before chemo, while everything was being digested, Steve's tooth was starting to bother him.) Couple that with Jarrett being off at cubscout camp and the various doc appointments that both me and the kids had prior to my start of chemo, I didn't know which way I was going. So without going into all the details we make it to Wed, The day before my 1st treatment and the day I have to pick J up from cubscout camp. (family BBQ and campfire). Steve didn't make it into work as his tooth hurt him so bad that he went to the dentist to have it pulled. Apparently his boss has it in for him so this missed day didn't help. (he had already taken the next day off to go with me to my first appointment.) He did manage to pull himself together for thurs, (chemo day,) but he had to go to work on Fri. Of course he was in lots of pain. His bosses attitude didn't help either. Thankfully my dad and Janet took the kids and kept them entertained and I was just to tired to deal with much. Steve was a little helpful though his pain, trying to make sure I had stuff to eat and was ok. He did manage to pull himself togetehr to go riding with friends that night. I have to say I'm very glad that I wasn't as bad as I could have been. I managed to pull myself together to day with the kids as who else was going to deal with them.

3 days and Chemo

I'm tired and really need to update here. Will try to do that tomorrow. Bottom line is my ONCO score came back at a 41. That put me squarely into the high risk group. Too much to do and no time to do it. The story of my life!

Digesting

So I've been doing lots of reading on the chemo forums while I am awaiting the the results of the ONCO Type test. This is a test that indicates several things. 1. How likely a chance the cancer will reoccur or metastasize and 2. If chemo would be beneficial. For me its going to help me figure out the level of chemo I will need. I have accepted the fact that I will need chemo. Even though all the cancer has been removed, with a grade 3 tumor and the fact that it was invasive puts it on the hirer risk side. The good news is that it was caught early and that is a positive. The next thing I have to deal with is if radiation is required. There is a concern that the margin was not as clear as they (the docs) would like. Typically they like to see a 2mm margin and I had a 1mm to the DCIS areas. I had a 4mm to the invasive tumor. I'm hoping that if I have to do chemo, I may be able to avoid radiation but at this point I can't rule anything out.

So chemo..... I will be loosing my hair.

If I fall in the mid range, (my best case scenario) I would be receiving 4 treatments. One treatment every 3 weeks. (So 3 months total). She mentioned TC for that regiment.

If I fall in the High risk (where my luck would put me) Then I'm in for 4 months of treatment of ACT given every other week.

The exact names of the drugs I am reading about but don't have my notes in front of me. I've been reading about the SE (Side effects) as well as the administration of them. There is the gamete from the ladies who have sever side effects and those who have none. I've been on message boards (Specialty type) before and have learned while there seem to be a lot more people with issues than you would think. "We" cancer patients, triplet/ multiple parents all tend to congregate in similar places so that it me "seem" like more. So as with the surgery I'm just going to take things one step at a time and see where I end up. I think you don't here so much about the people who do great as they get busy with their lives and don't post as often.

I have to say I'm guilty of that. I'm feeling good finally, and can pretty much do most things i need to do. Still need to work on exercise and figure out work of some sort. Part of me is not sure what to do because I have no idea what to except time or energy wise. I have this gut feeling that once the onco score comes back chemo is going to be started ASAP. Makes it real hard to plan things.

Well new week is going to begin. Holiday weekend is done. Em's extended school year starts tomorrow so hopefully I can get some sort of routine in place and get caught up on a few things. So much more to figure out.

6 Weeks

Its hard to believe that its been 6 weeks since my surgery. Overall I'm doing great. Tomorrow is a big day. I meet with an oncologist. (ONC) I have to say that I'm very nervous about that one. I just got a hold of the Path report and Surgical grading has kept me at a stage 1. (no Lymph node involvement) Although there is something in the report talking about focal lymphatic invasion in the DCIS section. Yes They did find areas of DCIS. I also have had to tumor graded at a grade 3. I really did not want to deal with chemo. Between that and the BS called and the areas of DCIS only had a margin on 1mm (she likes 2mm) and her wanting me to see a radiation oncologist. I knew I would be having to deal with Hormone therapy and not totally thrilled with that.

I just don't feel prepared for this appointment. When I met with the BS and the PS, I had read so much on what I was in for and the was clear and I had a handle on it. There are so many forms and types of ways chemo can go that I really can't do much until I meet with the doctor and get an idea as to the direction of treatment. Between that and the up coming OOPH, I'm not sure what to be prepared for.

Sorry for the Break

I just ended up in some sort of funk. Between that and the school year coming to an end I have just been overwhelmed in stuff. Toss in recovery, I just haven't had a chance to catch up with much. I apologize for that.

Well here I am 5 weeks later and I have to say I'm having better days and than those not so much better days. There was a period of time about 3 to 4 weeks in that my chest just hurt. It was all I could do was sit there and hold my boobs. Thankfully those times are getting further and further apart. Unfortunately not a day goes by where I am not completely aware of my boobs and how they are feeling today. This past sunday was a good day. I sat and relaxed by the lake and really was not aware of much more than my stomach. (The mesh the PS placed in there still feels a bit weird but he said it, like my new breasts would also take getting some adjusting to). I even managed to get my kitchen cleaned out and a few other odds and ends done. I paid for it today.

Its a feeling that is hard to describe. Maybe its like wearing a bra that is a bit snug. Problem being that I'm not wearing anything but a cotton cami and there is nothing to remove. (BTW Love those simple cotton cami's They are comfortable to sleep in and to wear underneath cothing that would otherwise be very uncomfortable.) The other thing I'm still having issues with is sleeping. I'm a side sleeper and I just have not been able to get comfortable. I still can't sleep flat on my back so I have a few pillows piled up. Of course over the course of the night I slip down and then wake up. I try to sleep on my side but I need a pillow for the front to help support and one behind me to keep me from falling back.

I know its only temporary and one day I won't even think about it. I just wish It would get here sooner than later. I meet with an oncologist on tues. I'm a bit curious to see what she has to say. Of course nothing with me is ever clear cut. My BS Might want me to see a radiologist as well. I was really hoping to avoid radiation but the margin to some DCIS that they found was a bit closer than she would normally like to see. I should get a copy of the Pathology report tomorrow so I can start to get some research done before I meet with the Oncologist. Hopefully my next post won't be so long in coming.

Copied from my cancer board

The drains under the arms were one of the most annoying things I have every dealt with. I can happily say that today I went from 4 and am now down to one. As long as that one can stay below 30, It should come out on Monday. My PS doesn't want it in to long as he had to place a piece of mesh to actually give me some abdominal structure and he doesn't want that to get infected. I also meet with my BS and she is thrilled with how everything has turned out. She did give me a chuckle as she was checking on the PS as he was working and helping keep DH updated and the poor PS was not having very nice things to say about my high risk OB. Cant say I blame him. I didn't like him much either. Except for the lack of nipples, you would never know I had a mastectomy. My Dh was asking about some revisions and such and both the PS and me looked at him and told him to take a chill pill. I am only 1 1/2 weeks out. I need to give everything time to settle and start really moving again to get rid of the swelling. I have a bit of a fungal infection by one of the drain sites under my arms but he said a bit of anti fungal stuff (think athletes foot stuff) and I should be fine. My DH even found one that was scented since not being able to wear deodorant has been driving me insane. I'm still not happy about the amount of underarm hair but I know I will be able to deal with that soon.The good news is I'm pretty much off all meds except for the antibiotic. If I feel like I need anything Advil is enough.

I have to say those first two days were absolute HE** but since I've been home, I am so much happier. The drains were a real pain but with them gone I'm Free! The only other major issue I ran into was the ps said not to worry two much about undies under the yoga pants. Now I'm NOT a commando type gal by any means but I did as he asked. Well I ended up with the worst chafing and diaper type rash. I haven't had desitin in the house in years but DH went to the store and got me some and as long as I was home either alone or with DH I just let it all hang out and am now feeling so much better.

The kids bickering is a bit tiring but we are working on it. They have discovered that mommy will take absolutely no nonsense right now or they will not be happy with the outcomes. DH goes back to work next week after being off for two. My Mil plans on coming again next week to help in the am although I will try to see if I can get my self up and going and getting the kids out the door. but at least she should be here for back up. The one thing I haven't tried yet has been walking the puppy.

So after the doc appointments, my DH took me shopping to kohls. I needed to figure out something to wear. I have spent the past 20 something years in jeans and t shirts and right now jeans are not very appealing to try to put on. So I came home with 4 new dresses, (In addition to one I had packed away years ago and never thought I would fit into again.) I am just in such shock that I am actually going to where dresses again. I have always had to much tummy to get away with them. Of course my thunder thighs are still there but hopefully i will be able to do something about that when I can get back to exercises class. I have had a few breakdowns, usually when I think about my mom and what she must have been feeling. I'm sad that she isn't here to be with me but I do know that she is with me in here spirit.

Well getting ready for bed. Need to move my water bottle so I don't accidentally take a sip. Nerves are starting to set in but I just have to keep moving forward. I'll post again when I can.

Later all

about 36 hours to go

I don't know how long my surgery will be but they have estimated 10 to 12 hours. I told my family not a big deal I'll be sleeping you are the ones that have to deal. I'm pretty much ready to go. Bag is packed and just have to put in the last few things that are still being used. My MIL is coming up to stay the night. I have to be at the hospital by 6am (scheduled start of 7:40) so she can be here for the kids and get them ready for school and onto the bus. My sister is planning on coming up from MD at sometime today.

Over all I'm ok now. its setting in that the day is here and this is really going to happen. I'm not a nervous person normally. When I got married the Martian d was totally amazed that I was just standing there waiting to walk down the isle. Its my family (with the exception of my DH) who are driving me insane. I understand where they are coming from. I lost my mom 10 years ago to this disease and they can only see and remember everything went wrong in her case. I guess I have some of that in the back of my mind as well but there are very different conditions between me and my mom. I'm 10 years younger than she was and in much better health. Plus it is 10 years later and things have changed and advanced so much. Its that fact that things are changing that gives me hope. What scares me the most in this whole thing is what my girls are going to be dealing with when their turn comes around. Being BRCA1+, I worry if I passed this nightmare on to them. They are only 11 right now and I will have to talk with the docs as to when I should get them tested and how to deal with it. They are on the edges of puberty now.

The other thing that scares me more than the mastectomy is the OOPH. (I'm scheduled for that the end of July) I really not sure I'm ready for full on menopause (I say that as I'm finishing up my period) The SE from that scare me the most.

So for today, I am going to try to relax. I told my DH I was not the one in charge of the kids today. I did not want to be yelling at them to finish up something or take care of things, He could be in charge today. I have all their appointments and actives organized as well as their school work projects that must be worked on. I just have to finish the phone list for him. My world is on my computer and he just wouldn't be able to find anything on it. I have to also print out a list of all the passwords for the bills so if the worst happens he can figure out how to access everything. Most things are paperless with reminder to my email. Bills have been paid through the end of the month and I should be able to get the next round worked on when I'm on the other side.

Thanks for the well wishes. I will update when I can.

4 Days to go

As I am trying to get things together Its interesting to note how long my list seems of what I juggle. I am trying to get it written down so that the care givers in the next two weeks know what needs to be addressed. And of course this does not include the financial ends of things. I'll have all bills through the end of the month paid and an estimate on the next set laid out to deal with when I get back to life.

I know my family just wants to help but they are going to drive me crazy. They all have my mother in their minds. While I totally understand that, I am not my mother. I am not blindly doing what I'm told but I have a much better understanding of what I am doing than I think my mother ever had. To add to the craziness my sister is also planing on coming up and helping. I'm not sure who is going to go crazy first.... Me or Steve.

All testing is done. Just have pre op tomorrow and then that's it till monday. I'm just starting to feel the nerves work up a bit. I don't think its going to hit so much until that morning.

Ok list done now to get up and attack the kitchen again.

V is for Victory

It was a long battle but Its done. Insurance has approved my PS. That is no longer hanging over my head and I can move on with all the preps. Of course I can't concentrate on much because I'm hungry but I can't eat before the cat scan. They are just doing the US of the lymph node. They said they had to schedule the biopsy separately. My BS was calling to see what she could do. Hopefully these will be the last of the tests for now and I can meet again with my BS.

In the meantime, Kids have testing this week so at least there is no homework to deal with. Just wish it was a bit warmer out there.

Last day

Today was my last day at the part time job. I took two weeks off before surgery as I knew there would be lots of testing and such. I also wanted time to do what ever shopping needed to be done as well as try to attack the house.

So I have the ovary U/S on Monday, the lymph node U/S Tues followed by the Chest cat scan. I have to fast for 4 hours before that so basically no food or water after 9:30a. I'm sure there will be follow ups after those are done and when its all finally said and done I finally meet with the BS again.

I am at least not going to stress about the insurance. Apparently this opened up a whole can of worms hospital wide that the President of Oxford is now involved as well as the top hospital personal. I don't quite understand it all. What has been reveled is many serious violations not only with me personally but hospital wide. I really love my BS and she has told me to keep moving forward. Everything we are doing is going to have to be done no matter what. If we have to package it all up and transfer to some of her other colleges in the city, she will help me every step of the way.

Going out to dinner with a friend to try to unwind a bit. Trying to get arrangement info for a friend. Really sad note: My friend was separated from her H. They had just started divorce procedures and he was found the other night. He shot himself. Its just so sad and really dwarfs what I am dealing with. He left behind two great kids (10 & 7).

And more tests needed

So I got a call from Carolynn (MRI) and she said the films had been read but there was some swelling by the right side lymph nodes and they would like me to come in and they want to do an US of it. Fine. So Mon is an US for the ovaries, Tues is the US for the lymph nodes. Then I got a call from my BS. Not only does she want the area US'd she also wants to have it biopsied as well. Great that's just what I need is for this thing to have spread to the nodes. She also said she noticed that there was some fluid buildup in my chest that she wants to check out as well. I'm not sure if that's a chest cat scan or what but I'm sure I will find out the answer to that soon enough. At least she is being through.

Insurance is still a question. Apparently my Insurance co really badly handled things resulting in numerous HIPPA violations that not only affect me, but the doctors in their network (My BS being one of them). So I am hoping that their screw up will work in my favor. I asked what happens if in the end they deny my PS because there is ONE in network that "said" he preforms micro-vascular but in reality he doesn't. So what happens if I meet with him and really don't like him? I'm SOL?! I should have the right to at least of a choice of two or three docs. Anyways she said worst case, we would transfer everything to NYC with some of the colleges she knows and trusts there. I really wanted to avoid traveling to the city but I guess I would take that over this quack working on me. Nothing against the doc, Just after talking with him and doing my research I know he's not the doctor for me.

MRI Done

I have to say it wasn't that bad. It was actually kind of relaxing since I couldn't move I started dozing a bit. Of course being in that position for 45 min or so made getting up a bit stiff but overall I'm sure it could have been worse. Of course as is typical for my life, nothing goes off without a hitch. Somewhere down the line of all the docs checking out my mamo's the pictures of the left breast disappeared. So I have a call in to see if I can get another copy of the films and then need to get them to the MRI center.

On top of this I still haven't heard from anyone on the insurance front. This has me the most nervous. I'm afraid to be planing all of this and then at the last minuet have to cancel it all because of this nonsense. Then what, everything is pushed back another month? I don't want to wait any longer. I'm a procrastinator and I'm afraid to put this off. I also don't want to go through the BMX without having the reconstruction following. I've had to many fights with depression and this could just push me back over the edge. I know Marybeth said she'd call when she had news but its been 1 1/2 weeks and (over two weekends). Surgery is less than 3 weeks away and I'm loosing sleep over this crap and not over the upcoming surgery.

I just don't know what do do.

2nd Meeting with the PS

So I meet with the PS again today. We talked about what I would like to do and what he can do. Besides being a bit on the heavy side he also mentioned that we have to be careful as the skin and fat was so stretched out the blood supply is already a little bit compromised from the triplet pg. I'm just going to take one step at a time.

Still no word on the insurance front. It was talking abit with the PS and apparently there is at least one other woman in the office having the same issue as I am. He was surprised that my insurance co is saying there is someone out of Englewood Hospital because as far as he is aware Englewood does not do the microsurgery procedure. He feels that in my case the DIEP is the better method for me and my reconstruction and that he is only one of a few doctors in NJ that preform it. Those that are just starting out call him for advice. I'm just going to keep moving forward and hope to get this resolved soon.

Tomorrow the MRI.

Still waiting

4 weeks to go. I'm still waiting on hearing about the insurance issues. I did do more research on "their" doc. first he doesn't even have an affiliation with the hospital of my choice. "They" want me to switch teams. NOT going to happen at this point. I spoke a little with this doctor when I was trying to find out what procedures he preforms. He does do the free Tram but does not to the DIEP. He was even trying to talk me out of the procedure since I would not find a doctor "in network" that would preform it. That should work to my advantage because if there is no one in my network that performs the procedure they should ok my PS. My BS's office has taken it up with the hospitals highest people and hopefully I should have an answer soon.

In the meantime, My PS and GYN surgeon have finally come to an agreement as to when the ooph should be preformed. It has been decided that it would be best to have the ooph done at a later date than the BMX. It all came down to the PS and I guess he knows the GYN and is ok with him going in afterwords.

I have only 1 1/2 weeks left of work. I took off two weeks before the surgery so I can get things at the house cleaned up and organized. It still seems so far away but I know it will be here before I realize it.

At least one thing can move forward

I couldn't get the MRI scheduled until my period started as it is time sensitive to my cycle. Well I started today so around May 4th or so i should have the MRI.

A day's worth of thought.

This whole insurance thing is really bothering me. I figured since I might have a fight on my hands I have been educating my self on the specifics of the procedures (DIEP, SGAP) I want and how they are different than the free TRAM that I'm sure "their" doctor can do. I will probably have to call and ask some questions. I really want to talk to Marybeth and try to figure out the best way to move forward.

Arguments for my PS

1. He works as a team with my chosen BS.
2. He has done hundreds of the muscle sparing procedures. (Important as there are muscular issues as a result of a previous triplet pg.
   
3. He offers the nipple sparing procedure (If I'm a candidate)
4. Timing.... I'm one month into this, surgery date scheduled, family plans made and in progress. Cancer is stressful enough I really don't need to spend my energy on them.
5. Dr. Misner incident. - Unauthorized doctor calling for information. (Where did it come from?) HIPPA Violation.

I'm going to go into work late. I need to make some phone calls and try to get this settled so I can relax.

And two steps back

I should have known it was not that easy. My insurance is denying my PS because there is one that preforms the free trans flap "in network" well that's all and good but I chose "a team." I am so ready to move forward on this. Dates are set, lots of docs have already put in a lot of time. Of course this all comes up on a Fri afternoon, to late to make many phone calls on this. There is a difference between the trans flap and the DIEP. Insurance providers don't quite get the difference. Heck I didn't even understand the difference until I started reading about them. The basic difference is one takes muscle and one does not. I said it before I want a surgeon that can offer me ALL my options and has done hundreds of these procedures. I chose my doctors carefully. My insurance company should not chose them for me. I made sure that the BS was in network before I went any further. I asked about insurance at the PS's office and they said they can work with the insurance co since they are one of the few that do the procedure I want and they aren't on any one's insurance. So I can't check out this new doctor as its now the weekend. I can' t talk to the BS's office about it because its the weekend. I just have to try not to let it eat at me. Much easier said than done.

Fighting this Cancer is hard enough, I really don't want to have to fight the insurance company as well. I just want to be able to relax and get things prepared for the surgery. I want to be on the road to recovery and not have this sitting in front of me. I want it behind me!

So things are moving

I now have an appointment with the GYN Surgeon. It is looking like the oopherectomy will be moved up a bit. The PS wants to have more time. Hopefully I will have a date for that soon. Once that last piece is put into place I can work around the rest of my stuff that needs to be done.

Update: I just spoke with my BS's office. They spoke with the insurance co about the doctor incident. They also pointed out the HIPPA violation that was made. Needless to say my insurance co was a bit nervous about the way it was handled. Bottom line, my PS has to submit a letter explaining why the methods of reconstruction offered by this guy are not in my best interest. So now that that hurtle is crosses, I am waiting for my period so I can schedule the MRI, waiting for the PS and GYN surg. to decide if the oopherectomy will be at an earlier date or not. (PS has lots of say about how the GYN can go in because he wants to be able to use as much as possible and not have it destroyed). Once I have all my final surgery dates I can also schedule my pre certification check up with my PCP. So I guess I am looking at a few busy weeks in the near future.

Making the Decision.

Ever since my mothers experience with breast cancer I have always told myself that if they ever find anything then they could just take them. I have my children and for the most part I guess I could say I was done with them. With that said its a whole new ball game when you are actually faced with the choice. After my meeting with Dr G. I basically had two main options: Lumpectomy with radiation or Mastectomy with no radiation. He was very nice and explained everything very thoroughly. He also took some blood and sent it off for the BRCA testing. I was told that if that came back positive he would advise to have both breasts removed as well as the ovaries. I have to say I did give lots of thought into what I was told. I also did lots of reading and learning what I could of my choices. So many women that I was reading about would have the lumpectomy and then 5, 10 years later were back and were now doing the mastectomy. After doing lots of sole searching I made the decision to do the BMX. For me its not if the cancer came back but when. I only want to have to go through this once!.

So one week after my meeting with Dr G. I then meet with Dr. Klien. I have to say that I really liked both doctors very much. Both were very informative and listened to my concerns. After that meeting I had the name of the PS that my BS recommend and I called and made an appointment for a consultation. I also make an appointment with the PS recommended by Dr. G. It was a hard choice but I ended up choosing Dr Klien at Valley. I'm more familiar with that hospital and decided that was where I was going to be.

The only thing left out to be decided on was the ovaries. I had to wait for the BRCA results to come in to make the final call on that. As my luck would have it those results came in on April 15th and of course I was positive for BRCA 1. Ovaries come out.

Interesting Phone Call

So I run some errands today and get home and their is a message from MaryBeth, (BS office). She has a question about another doctor (PS) that my insurance co asked about. Then she got a phone call from that PS's office asking about a "patient of theirs", (me). I never heard of this doc but apparently because he is my "in network" doc I "have" to use him. First. I did not give my insurance co authorization to give my medical info to this doctor. Second I don't think this doctor performs the type of Reconstruction (DIEP) that I want. This one only does implants or Lat Flaps, neither of which I want. Marybeth said to sit tight, she would talk with the docs and figure out the best way to approach the insurance co. Of course this was the first time in her 17 years she's had this happen. Typical me.

Stop telling me how I am going to feel

I wish people would stop telling me that I don't see to fully grasp the gravity of what I am about to go through. I am a social net worker. When I found out I was pregnant with triplets, I searched the web and found out as much as I could about the experience. I have to this day some really good friends from that time who have been increaditable supportive. Of course when I got the diagnosis what is one of the first things I was going to do? Get online and start seeing how much I can learn.

I began to research what was written on the preliminary pathology report. Found some sites with lots of information and also if they had a message board, I checked it out. The breastcancer.org site has been wonderful. From that site I have a really good understanding of what I am going to be going through. In the surgery section, there is a thread that is broken down by month. I have read so many stories about things leading up to the surgery, such as helpful items to bring and what wasn't so helpful, Things to have around for recovery. Then they are also posting days after their procedures and keep posting their progress. Some bounce back in days, some are slower to heal. It's going to vary from person to person. These threads have been very helpful in getting me ready for what is to come. I have even joined in on a few of them and am getting to know some really great and strong women.

I know my mom 10 years ago did not have it easy. She had lots of complications throughout the whole process. First I am going to say that I AM NOT MY MOM!. There are many differences between what happened to my mother and what I am going through. First I am 12 years younger than my mother was. Second, although I am on the "heaver" side of where I want to be, I have been working out regularly and am in much better shape than my mom was. Third, my cancer is much smaller than my mom's was at diagnosis. I have already decided on the Mastectomy vs the lumpectomy (which was offered as a choice at first). I am comfortable with the doctor's I chose and I am going to keep up a positive attitude. Just because I am going about with my daily life right now doesn't mean I have no idea what I am in for. I am just going to choose not to let it handicap me until its time. I have 5 weeks. They are going to go by quickly, I will have one to two weeks of hell. and than another two weeks of not quite as bad hell, and hopefully 6 to 8 weeks after surgery I can start to resume some of my normal activities. I will not over due it but I also will not stay down for any longer than I need to be, even if its just a short walk around the house.

Family

I have to say I love my family. I know they all have my best interests in mind. But sometimes you have to think things through and realize that on the surface it looks great but when you really see what is behind it, its just more work than its would save. First off A trip down to MD. While they would love it, the amount of stuff that is required to be packed and organized is hard enough to do under normal circumstances. Its memorial day weekend. The lake will be open and the kids can be brought down there and play with their friends. In addition, the following weekend is a boy scout camping trip that we were all supposed to go on as a family. I'm going to see if Steve will go and take all the kids. But I can't think that far in advance yet.

Right now this weeks focus is on Amelia getting her book report done, and getting Jarrett ready for his camp out.

The Begining

On March 23, 2010, I went in for my routine mammogram. That is the one test I never played around with. My family history is to strong for me to ignore. In 1983 both of my grandmothers were diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Sadly My dad's mom lost her fight in 1988. My mom's mom beat it and went on to be a 27 year survivor. She passed at age of 92 peacefully in her sleep. My Great Aunt Rose had ovarian cancer and we lost her in the late 90's. My mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer at 52. Sadly she lost her fight 18 months later. With this history, how could I not get an annual mammogram?

I always knew I would be dealing with cancer one day. I just figured it would be 10 years or so from now, When the kids were in college or living out on their own. Not a little over a month past my 40th birthday. Yes that's right... I have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer, a journey I did not want to make.

So how it begins......

March 23, 2010

I had my annual mammogram scheduled. I always try to allow a lot of time for it as they never seem to go smoothly. They squish and squish and take their pictures and then I sit and wait for them to be reviewed. As I have very dense breast tissue they usually want second prints taken of various areas. Usually after that I talk with the doc. Ok things are fine. See you next year. That was not the case this time. This time they zoom in on an area to check and decide that they see some calcification and while its probably nothing we would like to do a biopsy of the area. So they sent me out to get some lunch and be back by 1:30 so they could do the biopsy. I say ok and go on my way to get some food. (What was I going to say no?) So I get back and they do their thing, no big deal really. I am told to come back on Thurs after 3. they should have the results by then. I say fine and head home to meet the kids.

March 24, 2010

I get a phone call in the morning. Its Dr E. (The doc who preformed the Biopsy). The lab called her ASAP with the results from my biopsy. It was a positive result for cancer. She was putting together my Mammograms and reports for me to pick up this afternoon and had already had a referral to a breast surgeon for me and a tentative appointment for the next day. My head is starting to spin. I was so not expecting that call. I was figuring they were going to say it was nothing and life goes on. They would just keep an eye on it. Steve came home early, Norma (MIL) came up and began driving me a bit insane. (I know she's just trying to help). Of course we had to tell the kids as they were trying to figure out why everyone was home. We had their exhibit night at their school that night as well. I told all their teachers so they were aware of what was happening at home.

March 25th.

I meet with Dr. G. It was all still raw. I did not know what I was in for. I always said that if they found anything I would just cut them off but saying it and being faced with the reality were two different things. Dr G was very nice and I liked him a lot, however I wasn't totally thrilled with the hospital he works out of. But I did get lots of information. He basically told me I had two options. Lumpectomy with radiation or mastectomy. He also drew blood for the BRCA testing. If I tested positive than he would recommend a double mastectomy (BMX) as well as a ooporectomy (removal of the ovaries and tubes). He also gave me the info that he would place me at Stage 1b. I have invasive ductal carcubina (IDC) That is 6mm in size. I thanked him for his time and went home and started to research. That's what I did when I found out I was pregnant with 3, and I began to educate myself about what is out there.