about 36 hours to go

I don't know how long my surgery will be but they have estimated 10 to 12 hours. I told my family not a big deal I'll be sleeping you are the ones that have to deal. I'm pretty much ready to go. Bag is packed and just have to put in the last few things that are still being used. My MIL is coming up to stay the night. I have to be at the hospital by 6am (scheduled start of 7:40) so she can be here for the kids and get them ready for school and onto the bus. My sister is planning on coming up from MD at sometime today.

Over all I'm ok now. its setting in that the day is here and this is really going to happen. I'm not a nervous person normally. When I got married the Martian d was totally amazed that I was just standing there waiting to walk down the isle. Its my family (with the exception of my DH) who are driving me insane. I understand where they are coming from. I lost my mom 10 years ago to this disease and they can only see and remember everything went wrong in her case. I guess I have some of that in the back of my mind as well but there are very different conditions between me and my mom. I'm 10 years younger than she was and in much better health. Plus it is 10 years later and things have changed and advanced so much. Its that fact that things are changing that gives me hope. What scares me the most in this whole thing is what my girls are going to be dealing with when their turn comes around. Being BRCA1+, I worry if I passed this nightmare on to them. They are only 11 right now and I will have to talk with the docs as to when I should get them tested and how to deal with it. They are on the edges of puberty now.

The other thing that scares me more than the mastectomy is the OOPH. (I'm scheduled for that the end of July) I really not sure I'm ready for full on menopause (I say that as I'm finishing up my period) The SE from that scare me the most.

So for today, I am going to try to relax. I told my DH I was not the one in charge of the kids today. I did not want to be yelling at them to finish up something or take care of things, He could be in charge today. I have all their appointments and actives organized as well as their school work projects that must be worked on. I just have to finish the phone list for him. My world is on my computer and he just wouldn't be able to find anything on it. I have to also print out a list of all the passwords for the bills so if the worst happens he can figure out how to access everything. Most things are paperless with reminder to my email. Bills have been paid through the end of the month and I should be able to get the next round worked on when I'm on the other side.

Thanks for the well wishes. I will update when I can.